Butterflies
by jenpen1027
Summary: A Kelsi-centric story. Brief refreshers of HSM1-3. The story will focus mainly on a 1st person account of Kelsi's life through college and into early adulthood.
1. junior year

_Hi, I am new here. I have been reading all of your fanfiction for, well forever, and I finally decided to give it a go. I just got back from a road trip with my boyfriend and was inspired to write a story about Kelsi. The kids I nanny for love HSM, and I really connected with Kelsi. The main focus of this story is going to be Kelsi's college and early adulthood. I am going to do brief 1__st__ person points of view for junior through senior year. _

_So, I hope you enjoy...._

_Um..I don't own HSM...obviously.  
_

Junior Year

I never expected to be the sort of girl who would find herself crushing on a boy who used her only for her music…but I was. Every time Ryan and Sharpay asked me to rewrite one of my original compositions for them I did it. And not because I did not have the confidence to stand up to Sharpay…okay maybe that was part of the reason. No in all honesty my main reason for giving in were the butterflies. The crazy flutter of butterflies that took root in my stomach every time Ryan Evans was near. And trust me when I say that is just as hard to admit as the confidence issue.

My name is Kelsi Nielson and I am a composer, daughter, friend and at times invisible. Well, at least I was invisible for this part of my story…and pretty much everything before junior year too.

But then junior year changed. It just seemed that something clicked, or it could have been that the always single Ryan Evans started dating Annie. And the annoying thing was, I couldn't even be mad or outraged about it, because, well, she was great. (And everything I wanted to be.) She was outgoing, beautiful, and genuinely kind. I was also a little grateful to her. Because for once, I could push those darn butterflies to the back of my mind. (Notice I say push them away, not get rid of them completely…baby steps right?)

Junior year was also my introduction to Gabriella Montez and Troy Bolton, the couple who changed everything. Of course, I already knew Troy, or more accurately, knew of Troy. We had never actually spoken…different social circles and all. That said, I could always tell he was a good guy. He was the sort of guy that would make eye contact with you in the school hallways and smile or say hi, whether he was alone or with a group of his friends. And Gabby, well Gabby was the same way, so of course it just made sense when they became East High's power couple. They stood up to the status quo and challenged East Highs' students and faculty to do the same. They also indirectly challenged me to stand up to Sharpay. When Sharpay threatened me during the callbacks for my play Twinkle Town, the old Kelsi would have cowered and muttered "yes Sharpay." But not the new Kelsi. No, the new Kelsi stood up to Sharpay and accompanied Troy and Gabriella on the piano while they sang my song the exact way I heard it in my mind. That was the moment I realized by respecting my music, Troy and Gabriella respected me. At that moment I was forced to face the fact that like his sister, Ryan did not respect me either. I mean, what else was I supposed to think? If he did respect me, he would have stood up for the original draft of my song. I sound healthy right? Well, while my head had wrapped around the reality of Ryan Evans; my heart and those always present butterflies had not...oh dear.

Junior year was also the year I became part of a group. And I don't mean group in the sense that I am part of the drama club. No, this group was more, it was special. Junior year was the year that I, Kelsi Nielson had friends. And not just friends who are really more acquaintances, these were real friends. I went out shopping with Taylor and Gabby. I went over to Troy's house with the gang for movie nights, and the gang came to my house too. Junior year I made friends with not only Troy and Gabby, but also with Taylor, Chad, Zeke, Martha and Jason. Ah, Jason. I met Jason through Troy, Chad and Zeke. They were all on East High's basketball team together. Jason was sweet, kind and well, interested in me. And that was the first time a boy had ever seen me as more than a friend. Since we all hung out in a group together, it just seemed natural that Jason and I would start dating. Now that I think about it, I don't think we ever really talked about it. One night he drove me home and gave me a sweet kiss goodnight. And that was it, we were together.

I naively thought Jason would help me forget about Ryan. I mean it wasn't like Ryan was sitting around mooning over me. He had Annie, who even Sharpay approved of. As much as I enjoyed my time with Jason, Ryan was still there filling my stomach with butterflies.


	2. Summer

_Hip, Hip, Hooray…here's chapter 2_

The Summer

Junior year was over, and I was actually quite sad about it. I had this fear in the back of my mind that everything was going to change with summer. What if all of my new friends suddenly decided they did not want to be friends with me? Or Twinkle Towne ended up being the only great composition I ever wrote? Ohmigosh, what if I, Kelsi Nielson was a one hit wonder…or one play wonder? With all of these new doubts bubbling up, there was one normality I could count on…my crush on Ryan Evans. Yep, that was still present.

As it turned out, I had nothing to worry about. My new friends were not in any way fair-weather friends. I guess you could say we were all in this together. (Ha-ha…pun intended.) We all ended up working at Lava Springs together. In case you are unaware, Lava Springs is a ritzy country club owned by the Evans family. And by the end of the summer we were closer than ever. (I guess sharing the pain of waiting hand and foot on Sharpay does that to people.)

But there were big changes that summer. One being that Jason and I broke up and it occurred in kind of the same respect we got together. We just drifted apart until we fit perfectly into the category of "just friends". Jason and I weren't the only couple to part ways, Ryan and Annie also stopped seeing each other. Later, Ryan would tell me that his heart just wasn't invested. But the biggest change that summer was Ryan himself. That was the summer that Ryan truly became a "wildcat" and in doing so one of our friends. And trust me when I say, if it was hard to ignore my feelings for Ryan when I didn't exist in his world, it was impossible to ignore those pesky butterflies when we became friends. Ryan wasn't the only change that summer, the unthinkable also occurred…Troy and Gabriella broke up! (Gasp.) But then they got back together, so it was all good again.

Ryan and I were actually in big part responsible for getting the two lovebirds back together. You see, there was this big drama about Troy changing and becoming a Sharpette. (Well, a male Sharpette.) Sharpay kicked Ryan to the curb to focus on Troy, which in turn allowed Ryan to open up to the Wildcats. Troy soon realized his mistake and missed Gabby and his friends. In an effort to keep Troy within her clutches Sharpay fixed the annual talent show so that the Wildcats were not allowed to perform. (Boo!) And even though Troy did not feel right about performing in the talent show while his friends were prohibited, he agreed because he had made a promise to Sharpay.

Oooo, this is where Ryan and I come in. Ryan and I wrote and staged a song called "Everyday" together. We rapidly taught it to Troy and explained that this was the new song he and Sharpay would be singing in the talent show. (This wasn't the complete truth, okay; it wasn't the truth at all.) So Troy started singing the first verse of "Everyday" and all of the sudden who continues singing the second verse…Gabby! Oh, it was perfect. By the end of the song everybody was up on stage dancing and singing. (And when I say everybody, this includes not only Ryan but also Sharpay.)

That night was magical. All of us: Troy, Gabby, Chad, Taylor, Martha, Zeke, Jason, Ryan, Sharpay and I danced around the country club grounds. The stars were in full bloom through the mist of the sprinklers. And as I danced around in the glistening water with my arms stretched out to their full capacity, I caught Ryan's eye. As everyone danced around us, we stopped and smiled at one another. I saw the water dripping off the bill of his hat, as that same water made my brunette curls grow heavy. And that's when it happened. That is when my crush on Ryan Evans turned into love. We had spent half of the summer in each other's company, laughing and creating music together. I mean, seriously, my heart was toast from the start.


	3. senior year

_Wow…thanks for the reviews! I really wasn't expecting that. You all are so sweet and thoughtful…and it makes me want to write you all a great story. I am so excited to start on Kelsi (and Ryan's) college experience…almost there right? I just finished watching HSM3 with the kids for movie night, so I am feeling very inspired for Senior Year right now. _

Senior Year

I found myself somewhere between excited and scared during my senior year at East High. I was excited because, well come on, it was my senior year. I mean it doesn't get any better than that. But I was also scared because it was my last year at East High. Once I graduated I was stepping through the revolving door of the unknown. And that scared me so much. I couldn't help wondering what would happen to all of my friends. We were used to seeing each other every day, and it seemed change was coming long before any of us were ready.

There was only one place I dreamed of regarding college…Juilliard. Juilliard had the most diverse music program out of any college I googled. When I mentioned my choice to my mom I was certain she would nix the idea right away. You see, it is just her and I…always has been. We are kind of like the two musketeers. I was worried about how she would cope with me living in New York. But soon after I shared my dream with her she surprised me with two tickets to New York for my birthday. We were going to visit Juilliard…to this day it is one of the best presents I have ever received. The moment I stepped off the plane in New York, I knew that was where I needed to be. Not indefinitely, but it had to be my beginning. (After East High of course.) As soon as we were back in Albuquerque, I started researching every avenue available concerning scholarships and grants. The next week my letter and tape were in the mail.

Now, I know what you are thinking…what about Ryan? Well, within the first week of classes I happened to overhear Sharpay and Ryan talking about Juilliard. (Okay, I didn't exactly overhear them…I may classify more as an eavesdropper. Remember those baby steps I mentioned earlier?) The thought of Ryan and I attending the same college was beyond thrilling. However, the idea of being so far away from the rest of my friends was horrible. For the first time I had best friends, friends who loved me for exactly who I was. It was difficult to comprehend what starting all over was going to entail.

I knew the musical was going to be my last chance to play piano on East High's stage. When Mrs. Darbus asked me to compose and offered Ryan the part of choreographer I seriously thought I had died and gone to heaven. (Seriously, I heard angels singing!) Thanks to the previous summer, Ryan and I were already closer than we ever had been. I could even speak coherently around him. Unless he was focusing all of his attention on me, then I just fought to keep my heart from falling out of my chest, keep the ever present butterflies from flying out of my stomach and keep my face from turning as red as a tomato. (Have I told you yet that I am a blusher?)

I was sitting in homeroom thinking of ideas for the musical when I overheard Sharpay say something that sounded alarmingly like "one woman show." As fast as I could I wrote down all of the Wildcats' names. I knew as soon as Mrs. Darbus read off my friends' names it was mandatory I run as far away from them as possible. It was Gabby who stood up for my actions and convinced the rest of the gang that the musical was important. When Troy raised his hand, I knew we had a show. After Ryan, Gabby and Troy were going to be the people I missed the most. It was soon after that when Mrs. Darbus announced the title for the musical…Senior Year. It was perfect; I was going to write a story about us…about everybody. It would be the perfect tribute not only to East High, but to all of my friends as well. And that wasn't all; Juilliard was going to be there. They had gotten my letter. The whole time I was thinking I was going to have to go to them to audition, but they were coming here. They were coming to Albuquerque to see Ryan, Troy, Sharpay and I. But not all of us were going to be picked; they were only giving out one scholarship.

Ryan and I worked tirelessly on Senior Year. And guess what? I totally cut my blush count in half. And the butterflies, they were my fuel. Every romantic song in that musical can thank my butterflies. It wasn't long before most of the musical was written and choreographed. As we neared our senior prom, all I had left to do were a few lyrics here and there. Well that, and work on my dance for the prom sequence in Senior Year. I was dancing with Ryan, and my mind was caught somewhere between bliss and extreme nervousness.

Ryan and I worked mainly during free period and after school. You can imagine my surprise when he joined me in the music room at 6:30 one morning. He was aware of my early morning practices of tea and piano, and while I had invited him to join me I was under the impression the early morning time did not agree with him. I almost slid right off the piano bench when his thigh touched mine. It seemed like electric currents were running rapidly throughout my body. And his smell, wow…it was like rain and soap. (So good!) He started playing the piano and singing the lyrics that were inspired by him…because let's face it; all I wanted to do was be with him. And then he looked at me and said the word "beautiful." Not in relation to me, but to my music. Which in my world is pretty much the same thing. I was still hung up on the beautiful comment when I heard him mention prom. And that my friend was when my head and heart went into overdrive. I started spewing something about lyrics and then before I knew it I had a date to prom. When I think back on it, he never asked me, he just stated it. Like it was the truest fact in the world to him.

Prom was amazing. I couldn't help wishing that Gabby and Troy were there. But I can speak for all of the Wildcats when I say we were all thankful Troy was going to Stanford to get Gabby and bring her home for the musical and graduation. It was because of Troy and Gabriella that everything changed at East High. It was imperative that they both be there for the conclusion of our high school story. I wish I could tell you that prom was where Ryan and I recognized there was something more than friendship to our relationship. But it wasn't time for that yet; there were experiences to be had before we were going to be ready for each other. But prom did offer us something huge, a deeper friendship. Prom night was the start of Ryan's and my relationship as best friends. And you know what they say; friendship is the foundation to all of the BEST relationships.

The musical was a success, but it didn't go off without a hitch. Gabby and Troy made it back in time for their duet. But not before Sharpay and Rocketman sang my song in a way which can never be duplicated. (One of the funniest and most entertaining scenes I have ever seen.) Ryan was wonderful…as always. And Sharpay and Tiara went down fighting in true diva fashion. Senior Year ended up being perfect because, well, it wasn't perfect. And when they called my name as recipient of the Juilliard scholarship, in all honesty that was one of those moments in life where there are no words to express the feelings that take over your body. The experience was heightened when I looked out into the audience and saw my mom crying her eyes out while wearing the biggest smile imaginable. And when Ryan's name was also announced I was officially on that cloud numbered 9.

Graduation was the following weekend. And you know what the funny thing was, we were ready. It seemed inconceivable to me at the beginning of the year that we would ever be ready to go our separate ways. But I realized we weren't necessarily going "separate ways." We were still best friends, logistically we were just going to be a little (and in some cases a lot) further away from one another. But distance didn't strain our friendships, not a chance. We just grew closer, stronger and better.


	4. Author's Note

_Author's Note…_

_Hi,_

_Once again thank you for the reviews. I just wanted to take a moment to tell you all that I promise to finish this story. I have the college story outlined already. And as soon as the kids are asleep tonight, I will start on freshman year at Juilliard. I hope to have two or three chapters posted for you this weekend. I have really enjoyed writing this in Kelsi's first person/ past tense. If there is anything you have always wondered about Kelsi, let me know….and I will try to incorporate it into the story at some point._

_Now about Ryan and Kelsi…obviously they WILL be together by the conclusion of this series. That said I want them to experience a little life before being in a "more than friends" relationship. I feel this will allow them to bring more to the table later down the road. (And it will provide all of you with an interesting story.) _

_Have a great weekend!_

_Jen_


	5. Road Trip

_Alright…we are on our way to college…Thanks once again for reading and reviewing! Once again, I do not own HSM…but the rest of the story is my own. Enjoy!_

Road Trip

The summer before my first year at Juilliard seemed to fly by. We were all so focused on spending time together before we left for college, time kind of got away from everybody. The whole Evans family ended up vacationing in Australia for the summer. I think Sharpay and Ryan's parents wanted to spend as much time as possible with them before the school year began. Since their parents travelled about as much as they were home, it was a very special vacation for Ryan and Sharpay. And me, well I stayed busy spending time with my friends and preparing for Juilliard. I also spent a ton of time with my mom. It was hard for me to imagine not seeing her every day. The goodbyes to all of my friends were quite sad…a lot of crying…especially from Chad and Troy. (I know; who knew right?) Before I knew it, my mom and I were packing all of my necessities into the moving truck she had rented.

For any of you who have ever experienced a road trip with your parent(s), it is quite the adventure…especially in my case. My mom is terrified of driving on highways. Therefore, we were either doubling our travel times on back roads or I was listening to her utter "ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod" over and over and OVER again. I figured if I took over the driving it would lessen her anxiety a little bit. But it was actually the reverse, she was even more nervous when I was driving. I contemplated listening to my iPod, but I couldn't leave my mom to face her fears alone. So, that led to conversation, which of course led to me spilling the beans about Ryan. You can imagine my surprise when she informed me she was already aware of my feelings for Ryan.

"Mom, um, how did you know that Dad was… you know…the one?"

My mom hastened a look at me, while trying to also keep her eyes on the road.

"Does this have anything to do with Ryan honey?"

At that comment my mouth dropped open and my blue eyes grew to their full capacity.

"What…no…NO…no…kind of."

My mom just smiled her epitome of the "mother smile." You know the one that seems to say…"Yes I am your parent and I am an all-knowing entity."

As my blush heightened I managed to get out, "How did you know mom?"

And right before my eyes, my mother's whole body relaxed and a musical giggle escaped her lips.

"I am your mother sweetheart, I know all."

As I confided all of my fears and dare I say hopes not only about Ryan, but about college in general, she patiently listened.

And then in a moment of pure love, she said, "Kelsi, I wish you could see yourself as I see you. YOU are without a doubt the best gift ever bestowed upon me. You are beautiful inside and out, talented, creative, genuine, kind and your spirit is full of such love. Please promise me as you move on to this new adventure that you won't doubt yourself anymore. There is only one you, and to me, you are perfect. I would not change one hair on that petite little head of yours."

I took in my mother's features, which were pretty much an older mirror of my own. Her long wavy brown hair was pulled back into a messy bun; her glasses framed identical blue eyes seemed to hold a wisdom I would someday share and her stature was as petite as my own. (Some say short, but I think "petite" is a better fit.)

I looked at my beautiful mother with tears trailing down my cheeks.

"I love you so much mom."

My mom's watery eyes took a moment to glimpse at me before returning back to the road. Her small, elegant hand found mine.

"Me too baby, more than words could say."

_Author's Note…Yeah, so my mom raised me on her own. Part of why I decided to replicate with Kelsi's story, if I am emotionally tied to the story I tend to write better. I hope you liked this. I felt it was important to know where Kelsi comes from and the various people and situations that influence her._


	6. JuilliardYear 1 part 1

_Enjoy!_

Juilliard- Year 1

I remember the second time I saw Juilliard, it seemed so much bigger than what I recalled. I mean I remembered it being big from my first visit during senior year, but somehow it seemed even larger. The difference was this time I was looking at it through the eyes of a Juilliard student. This was my school, the place that was going to represent home to me for the next four years of my life. My time here was going to reveal the first steps of my future.

My mom and I weaved through the halls carrying as many suitcases as our arms could carry comfortably. I looked over at my mom to gauge her reaction, even she looked overwhelmed. (I wondered if it was too late to go back…Albuquerque was sounding unbelievably good right now.) I was just about to fall victim to one doozey of a panic attack when my mom found my dorm room. As we walked through the door, the first thing I noticed was the window. I slowly dropped my bags and walked over to it. Bracing my hands on the small window ledge I looked out onto my new city. All of the sudden, my breathing became normal and my heart slowed to a more normal beat. A feeling of comfort took over and this inner knowledge that it was all going to be okay.

I focused my gaze on my mom and smiled. "Are you ready for round two of luggage?"

My mom's face broke out into a grin, "Baby, I was born ready!"

I stifled my groan as I rolled my eyes. "Let's go then."

It was later in the evening by the time my mom and I got everything unloaded. My mom had headed back to her hotel room. She offered to let me stay with her, but I figured I needed to rough it out in my dorm room. Besides, I hadn't even met my roommate yet. I propped myself up on my pillows, set my laptop in my lap and contemplated which Wildcat I was going to e-mail first. As I sat there zoning out my thoughts drifted to the person they always seemed to drift towards…ah, Ryan. (Surprise, surprise right?) I wondered what he was doing, if his move was successful, if he was thinking of me at all…and then I stopped myself. If he was thinking of me, it was in a strictly "friendly" fashion. Remember, while it is true that by this time in our story there had been some elongated looks, nothing else had happened that would lead me to believe we were anything more than friends. (With a capital F-R-I-E-N-D-S…wow, funny how the angsty feelings come back a bit while I write this part in my story.) I felt the butterflies fluttering wildly in my stomach as my hand reached towards my cell phone to call him. (God, I am so weak!) Suddenly the door opened…and Marissa entered my life.

The tallest, tannest, blondest girl I had ever seen danced into my room. (Which is saying a lot, since Sharpay was the previous owner of that title…well, except for the "tall" part.) Her hair was a beautiful shade of gold and hung down to her waist. And honestly, to me the girl looked to be 10 feet tall. (She was actually 6'1…which she still taunts me with every time I see her.) And then in the most lyrical voice possible she introduced herself.

"Hi, I'm Marissa. You must be Kelsi. It is so nice to meet you in person, since I guess we have already been formally introduced via e-mail. Sorry I am late; I'm a bit of a procrastinator. You are studying music and composition right? I'm a voice major, singing really. Did I already tell you that in my e-mail? God…it is heavenly to finally be here."

Marissa paused for a breath and gracefully plopped down onto her bed. (I didn't know there was a graceful way to "plop" before Marissa.) She looked over to where I was sitting. Later she revealed to me that she had never seen someone looking at her with such an overwhelmed expression.

I took a deep breath and tried to remember the first comment she had made. You see, along with talking A LOT, Marissa also has a tendency to speak super fast. Marissa finally took pity on my loss for words.

"Sorry, sometimes when I get nervous I talk a million miles per minute."

I looked at her with surprise in my eyes, "You were nervous…to meet ME?"

She laughed that lyrical laugh again, "Well of course, weren't you nervous?"

I started laughing with her, "Of course" I uttered.

Before I knew it we were both laughing together.

"We are going to be alright," I told her.

Marissa looked at me with the friendliest brown eyes, eyes that reminded me a lot of my best friend back home…"Darling," she said in a faux English accent "We already are."

I was sleeping soundly when my telephone rang. I heard Marissa grunt as she threw a pillow over her head. I reached blindly for my phone; I figured it was more important to find that than my glasses.

"Hello." I yawned.

"Kelsi?"

My eyes popped open, all traces of sleep left my body and the butterflies went into overdrive while I fumbled around looking for my glasses.

"Ryan?" I whispered. I didn't want to wake Marissa.

I grabbed my room keys while I made my way into the hallway. My small body slid down the wall and settled onto the cold floor. While the floor was cool, everything else about my body was steaming. I tried to control my swirling thoughts as I listened to Ryan.

"Hey Kels, sorry to call so late."

Ohmigosh, he called me "Kels" that was… like… a nickname. Ryan gave me a nickname. I wondered if it would be appropriate to scream out "Hallelujah" about now. Probably not; so I refrained…barely.

I ordered my voice to sound normal, "Oh, it's no problem…I was pretty much awake." (Lightening please don't strike me down for lying.)

Ryan cleared his throat, "Um, Kels…I was wondering, could I come over there? Maybe we could meet outside to just hang out for a while? I don't know about you, but I am feeling a little overwhelmed right now."

I literally pinched myself. (Ow, that hurt.)

"Sure," I managed to squeak out, "I will meet you downstairs. My dorm is-"

Ryan interrupted me, "I'll be right over Kels, I already know where your dorm is. Meet you outside?"

Of course he knew where my dorm was, I made sure I told him during the summer. "Okay, I'll be right down."

Looking back, I probably should have checked out my wardrobe choice before sneaking out of my dorm. But I mean, come on, this is Ryan…my mind wasn't really focused on fashion at the moment. So there I was sneaking out of my dorm room in my extremely short red East High gym shorts, an oversized t-shirt with my tangled mass of curls resembling a lion's mane more than a human head of hair. The minute I stepped outside the doors, I searched for Ryan. I took me less than a minute to find him. He was sitting on a bench, wearing plaid shorts and a polo. He was concentrating quite hard on folding the hat that was presently in his hands.

"Ryan," I said.

He quickly lifted his blonde head up, "Kels." There was relief in his voice.

I quietly walked over and sat next to him on the bench. "Ryan, are you alright?"

He looked at me with the bluest eyes, "I miss them. I miss my family so much."

Understanding dawned in my features. "Well, aren't they still here? I mean, my mom is staying at a hotel in town?"

Sadness entered his eyes, "My parents couldn't stay, with work and all. And Sharpay, well, she is already at U of A."

And then I did something completely out of character for me. I leaned over and hugged Ryan Evans. And as I did, a feeling so right took over my entire body.

"Then I guess it's good we have each other." I whispered.

_You are now all allowed to squeal, as I will with you…eeeeeeee!_


	7. JuilliardYear1 part 2

_Yeah…Juilliard part 2. Enjoy!_

Juilliard- Year 1 (continued)

Marissa's eyes popped open as I slammed through our dorm room door. Her perfect yoga pose faltered as I threw myself face-first onto my bed with a loud "yes I'm feeling sorry for myself" moan. I felt the bed weigh down as my friend sat beside me and rubbed my back.

"Another tough day in composition?" Marissa whispered soothingly.

"I don't want to talk about it." I grunted.

Marissa waited the mandatory two beats. I lifted myself up and looked at my friend.

"I've lost is Riss. I can't write a song to save my life. I just keep trying and trying…and nothing, nada, zilch. Take a good long look Riss…are you looking?"

I could tell Marissa was fighting to keep from smiling. She nodded, and attempted to look somber.

I stood up in the middle of our room and declared, "I am a writer's block. We are one. Do you see me; this is what the block looks like…like ME! I mean I have always wondered about writer's block and now I know, I am it, it is me….am I making any sense?"

Marissa calmly looked at me. "Oddly enough, yes…I think we have now entered into the world of best friends. I understand your forever long run-on sentence monologues; just as you understand my super-speed conversation. Kelsi, there's no going back now…we are in this for keeps."

I looked at my roommate and smiled, and then that smile turned into a laugh. "That we are Riss... that we are."

Marissa got up from my bed (to once again make me feel like a munchkin) and grabbed her coat.

"C'mon," she said. "We are going to get some much needed tea."

I linked my arm through hers.

"You know me so well." I stated, smiling.

"Let's go Writer's Block, I'm treating."

That earned her a glare. "I will allow that comment because you're buying."

And just like that my bad mood was tempered.

While at tea Marissa had brought up asking for Ryan's help regarding my writer's block. Ryan and I had gotten extremely close throughout our freshman year at Juilliard. So close in fact, that I almost felt comfortable around him. Well, except for the whole increased heart rate and butterfly thing. It was difficult being away from our family and friends, but together we were able to deal. And because we didn't have our friends acting as crutches, we were actually able to grow closer to one another. I could say with complete honesty that he and Marissa were my best friends at Juilliard.

I thought long and hard about what Marissa had proposed. Ryan and I loved to talk about music and everything relating to it. That said we had never really helped one another with our differing majors. And to be completely honest, I liked that. For once Ryan and I did not have the excuse of "working on a musical" to get together and hang out. Quite simply, we spent time together because we enjoyed being with one another. Even though I was uneasy about asking for Ryan's help, I knew my future at Juilliard was in jeopardy if I didn't. So, I bit the bullet and went to my friend for help.

I knocked lightly on Ryan's dorm room door. And then he answered and all thoughts left my body. There was Ryan Evans, love of my life, soul mate even, standing in front of me in just a towel.

"Kels, hey…um… sorry about the towel, I-I wasn't expecting you."

Wait, did he just stutter…I made Ryan Evans say "I" twice. That was so something I would do. Internally I yelled at myself to focus. After all there was a reason I was at Ryan's door. Staring at him in his towel was just a bonus, a lucky bonus, but a bonus just the same.

"I need your help Ryan." I was amazed at how normal I sounded…not just normal, together even.

"Anything Kels, you know that. Um…just hold on a sec okay?"

Ryan gently shut the door and returned a moment later fully clothed. He ushered me into his room.

"What's up Kels?"

I looked at him and calmly stated, "I am a writer's block."

And like I knew he would, he busted up laughing.

"Kelsi Nielson, you are many things, but a block is not one of them."

How sweet is he? I struggled to remember what I was here for; I had a purpose, writer's block!

"Ryan, I haven't been able to write a great piece of music since the senior year musical, and to be completely and totally honest, it is scaring the bedazzles out of me."

Ryan looked confused, "Bedazzles?"

I focused my worried blue eyes on his smiling blue eyes. "Work with me here Evans."

Ryan straightened up, "Sorry Kels. I am here and I am focused. Let's talk about what we need to do to change your name from Writer's Block and back to Kelsi Nielson."

I threw my arms around Ryan in a huge grateful hug.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you…God, I love you Ryan Evans!"

Silence….more silence…even more silence.

My mind was racing in circles…nonononono…that did not just come out of my mouth. I nervously looked up at Ryan and saw a shocked look on his face.

"As a friend!" I practically screamed. (He claims I actually did scream it.) "I love you as a friend, because…because, that's what we are…friends." I looked down, suddenly the ground fascinated me.

I felt Ryan put his hand under my chin and gently lift my face up to look at him.

"I know what you mean Kelsi; I love you too, as a friend."

Thank goodness, crisis diverted. But then, why did I feel a little sadness in my heart. I mean it wasn't like he was going to spin me around in delirious circles declaring his love for me. Friends was… okay, friends would have to be enough. Now all I had to do was convince my heart.

I walked back to my dorm room in a daze. I must have looked really out of it, because I remember Marissa looking alarmed when I entered our room.

"Kelsi, are you alright?"

I started changing into my pajamas. "Oh yeah, I'm great, never better. Ryan agreed to help me with my compositions. I am meeting him in one of the practice rooms tomorrow. Oh, and I told him I loved him."

"See, I told you he would help, that's great."

And then came the pause I was waiting for.

"Did you just say you told him you loved him?"

I looked at my friend with tears in my eyes. "Yep, pretty much."

I then proceeded to tell her everything, from the towel to my declaration. Before I knew it Riss and I were on a conference call with Gabby and Taylor. Thank goodness for girlfriends.

I would be lying if I told you there was not a twinge of awkwardness after that night. Ryan stayed true to his word and helped me over come my writer's block. We listened and watched tons of musicals, and played around on my keyboard constantly. While I was feeling my old spark coming back, the ideas were not quite hitting me yet. But I did love spending time with Ryan. It seemed as though every time I was with him, my feelings grew in greater proportion. And he was a stellar friend. He had his own grueling schedule, but he found the time to work with me. We never mentioned the whole "I love you" situation, but it was there, like a big elephant in the room. And there was one night when that said "elephant" became very apparent.

Ryan and I had been working for hours and both of us were about two hours past exhausted. Marissa was (conveniently) out for the night and not expected back for a while yet. Ryan and my brains' were on overdrive, so we decided to take a break.

"What do you want to do?" I asked.

Ryan's eyes drifted over to the shelf holding my DVDs. "How about a movie, your choice?"

A huge smile spread across my face, "Alright, Sabrina it is."

Ryan looked confused,"Sabrina?"

I did a faux alarmed look. "Ryan Evans, drama king of East High, are you telling me you have never seen, much less heard of Sabrina?"

Ryan laughed, "No, but I have a feeling I am about to."

I grabbed the movie off the shelf, put the DVD in the player and gave the case to Ryan to look over.

"Audrey Hepburn…could it be Miss Nielson that you are drawn to pixie actresses who slightly resemble you?"

I turned beet red. "Audrey Hepburn is in a class all her own Ryan, the only thing I have in common with her is that we are both small."

Ryan smiled his adorable smile. "You just don't see what I see."

I really didn't think it was possible to turn a brighter shade of red…I was wrong.

Ryan and I sat on the small futon across from the T.V. and started watching Sabrina. It wasn't long before both of us had fallen asleep. I woke up to find Ryan sprawled out on the futon, and I was cuddled up against him like a human blanket. And that's when the butterflies started…huge gusts of butterflies. I looked up to see Ryan just opening his eyes. We stayed there staring at one another for a good long while. I was afraid to say anything that would ruin such a perfect moment…heck I was afraid to breathe. Our lips started slowly inching their way towards one another, when all of the sudden I was on the floor. Ryan flew off the couch like he was on fire.

"Kels, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…Oh God. I have to go."

And before I could even blink he was out the door. I just sat there, staring at the door, wondering what had just happened. I was still sitting there when Marissa came home. I told her everything. Before I could comprehend what was happening tears were falling down my face and into my lap. I didn't understand what had happened. But Marissa did. A huge smile spread across her face. She sat down on the floor next to me and took my face into her hands. (Yes, I was still on the floor.) Marissa's smile was full of hope.

"He's scared Kelsi."

I looked at her confused. "What?"

"Don't you see honey, you are his best friend, and he doesn't want to mess it up. I honestly think he is as madly in love with you as you are with him. He just hasn't wrapped his mind around it yet."

Hope started blooming inside of me. "You think?" I asked quietly.

"Definitely." said Marissa.

I wish I had known at the time that Marissa was exactly spot on. It would have saved a lot of heartache. But freshman year was still not the time for Ryan and me. I may have been ready, but he was not. And you can't have a successful relationship with only one of the parties sure. Ryan and I continued our friendship. And like the "I love you" fiasco, the "almost kiss" was another subject we both knowingly left untouched. But little things were happening. Ryan and I were spending even more time alone together. Our hugs lasted a little longer than necessary. And sometimes when Ryan would hold my hand to cross the street, he wouldn't let go until the end of the night. I knew at some point I was going to end up saying something, but not yet. The man I loved was loving me back little by little, and that was enough…that had to be enough.

_So…I promise the payoff with this relationship is going to be phenomenal. I am really focusing on getting BOTH of them ready for one another. Because Ryan and Kelsi…they are one of those couples that once together, they stay together. I figured out a way to put some of Ryan's point of view in the next chapter…while still leaving the story first person Kelsi. (Tricky, tricky.)_


	8. Juilliard Year 2 part 1

_Thanks for the reviews. I have really enjoyed writing Kelsi's story…she is so easy to relate to isn't she? I feel like every girl has a little Kelsi in her. So fasten your seats belts lovelies…because here we go!_

Juilliard- Year 2

By the end of my freshman year at Juilliard, I was ready to be home for three months. The promise of seeing my friends was beyond exciting. And my mom… let it just be known that the moment my eyes latched onto my mother I balled like a baby. (Seriously, like a newborn.) The summer was spent in perfect fashion. My friends and I spent every opportunity possible together. It also helped that I had a great summer job babysitting for the family across the street. They had an adorable 5 year old girl who was such a joy to be around. So my work day was spent going to the zoo, museums, parks and pools. (Tough life right?) I was also able to get some tunes figured out. My music was on its way back home. The only downside of the summer was Ryan not being there. Ryan and his family were once again on what was to become their annual summer vacation, this time to Italy. It was sweet though, he sent me a postcard every week. And every single one was signed "love, Ryan." I missed him desperately though. It almost seemed as though a piece of my heart was missing with him gone. (Probably because it was with him in Italy…well there is an upside, at least I can say a part of me has been to Italy.) The summer seemed to fly by and before I knew it, I was heading back to Juilliard…and back to Ryan.

The moment I stepped through my dorm room door I was picked up off the ground and enveloped in a massive hug.

"Kelsi! Ohmigod, I have missed you so much. How was your summer? Oh wait, of course I already know how your summer was…I visited you…HELLO. (Insert lyrical laughter here.) I cannot believe we are sophomores…amazing. So, do you want to get some tea?"

Ah, Marissa…God, I missed her. She set me back down on the ground and gave me a big beautiful smile.

"My summer was wonderful." I said, "Especially the part where you visited…you know I think that was the first time Zeke met a girl who was as tall as he was." "And I would love some tea." I continued.

As soon as Marissa and I were comfortable and sitting at our table with our matching green teas, she got right to the point.

"So…anything new regarding Ryan?"

I started laughing.

"Riss, I really missed you. You have no qualms about jumping right to the point do you?"

Marissa tossed a long strand of blonde hair over her shoulder and smiled.

"Kels Bells, life is way too short to skip around the point…now dish!"

As I spoke to Marissa about Ryan and how much I had missed him over the summer an excitement started to build within me. I was going to see him soon. Ohmigosh…I was going to see Ryan soon! Those familiar butterflies started filling my stomach and my heart rate sped WAY up. I suddenly realized I did not want to wait…I needed to see him…NOW.

I looked at Marissa. "Riss, I'm sorry…I-I have to go…I just realized, he's probably here and I haven't seen him…I have missed him so much, I-"

Marissa quickly covered my mouth with her hand.

"You're doing your adorable nervous ramble again Kelsi…go, I get it, trust me."

I looked at my friend, realizing how lucky I was to have her in my life.

"I love you Riss."

Marissa's eyes brightened…"Right back at you sweetie…now go get your man!"

I genuine laugh full of happiness escaped my lips, as I ran towards Ryan's dorm. I weaved in and out of returning students and New York pedestrians, working my way towards Ryan's location. I was half way there when I bumped into a solid mass and felt strong arms wrap around my waist, preventing me from falling on the hard cement sidewalk. My body recognized the arms around me before I even glanced up. Sparks seemed to fly out of my fingers as I wrapped them around Ryan's biceps.

"Ryan." I breathed.

"Kelsi, are you okay…you were running pretty fast." As Ryan's concerned gaze swept over my features I felt heat soar straight up to my face.

"I'm fine…I was just running to…" Oh God, I couldn't tell him I was running to him; that an instant need to see him had come over me and it was imperative I reach him as soon as possible. So, I improvised…

"Oh, I was just, you know running to….work out…you know, exercise."

Oh yeah, that sounded good…so believable. I mean what other reason is there to run right? Other than chasing the boy you love across Juilliard's campus.

Ryan looked at me skeptically.

"You decided to run in jeans, hat and flip flops?"

At that moment I felt like begging the sidewalk to rise from the ground and swallow me whole. I looked at Ryan, I was sure the panic was dripping with the sweat from my body.

"Well, yeah, don't you?" That sounded confident…kind of…I was pretty sure that sounded confidant.

And then I realized something, Ryan was running too…in dress slacks, hat and flip flops. (Ryan would like me to add that they were very fashionable flip flops.)

"Wait," I started "You were running too flip flop man."

I saw color flood Ryan's face…what was happening? Oh my…he was blushing, I made Ryan blush.

"Well, I wasn't exercising Kels…um…I was running to see you. I really missed you."

My blue eyes grew large and a small smile fell upon my lips.

"I missed you too Ryan, so much. That's kind of why I was running also…I was running to find you."

We both continued to look at one another for what felt like hours, but really only a few seconds had passed. His arms which were still around me tightened as he pulled me into a hug. And I swear I felt him sniffing my hair as a sigh escaped him. Oh yeah, this was enough. Right now, this was plenty.

_All together now…awwww. _


	9. Juilliard Year 2 part 2

_Enjoy! And thanks for all of the wonderful reviews. _

_Once again, I do not own HSM…but I love it._

Juilliard Year-2 (Part2)

If someone would have told me near the end of sophomore year Ryan was going to have an idea that would change the whole course of our future...I would have believed you. To me, Ryan could achieve anything. Now, that doesn't mean I always saw eye to eye with his views. (Well, most of the time I did.) However, there was one time when I almost doubted one of his most brilliant ideas.

I stared at Ryan with a look somewhere between insanity and dread. Insanity because I could not believe I was even considering letting him talk me into this and dread because this had to be the very worst idea he had ever come up with.

"You think we should what?"

Ryan looked at me with the utmost patience radiating from his body.

"Kels, just give it a chance."

I gave him what he termed my "cute, while thoroughly disgruntled" look.

"Let me get this straight Ry. You want me to compose a musical about our high school experience?"

"Exactly, you compose and I choreograph…it will be perfect. And this way I never have to refer to you as "Writers Block" again." Ryan said, smiling.

I didn't understand why he was smiling. I mean who in their right mind would ever…EVER be interested in my high school experience. (I believe I mentioned all the way back in chapter 1 how I was invisible up until junior year.) And I felt _almost_ comfortable vocalizing this fact to Ryan.

"Ryan, do you remember me in high school…I mean you didn't even really talk to me."

"I did so, I talked to you." He muttered

"Okay, let me rephrase…when I say "talk" I mean as in hold a real conversation. Let me remind you my friend we did not really, truly get to know one another until the summer before senior year."

Wow, I was amazed, this felt kind of good. I didn't realize this was something I kind of needed to… actually express to Ryan. And then my good feeling quickly turned bad when I saw Ryan's expression. He looked terrible.

"I treated you horribly Kels, didn't I?"

I stopped breathing…what do I say to that? I mean the Ryan up until the summer before junior year was a completely different person when compared to the man standing before me. I decided honesty was the best choice here.

"You weren't horrible. You were…growing up and learning your own way. I imagine that was sometimes hard to do with a twin like Sharpay. That said there must have been something great about you, because I liked you even when I was invisible."

There it was…it was out, the truth, well, kind of…I may have substituted the word "like" for "love" but he may still be able to decipher. Now I just had to await his reaction.

"I always liked you too Kels." (YES!) "And I always hoped we could be friends." (NO!)

Okay, so obviously my subtext was not as blatant as I originally thought. But that's okay. I mean look at me, it is a beautiful sunny spring day and I am spending it with the man I love…all is good in the world.

I looked over at Ryan and smiled.

"So tell me more about this musical idea."

I walked back to my dorm, all the while thinking about Ryan's idea. It was actually starting to grow on me. There was just one hitch, it couldn't be about me. Well, I mean it could, but I couldn't be the lead…but I knew exactly who could. I took off running back to my room.

Marissa was looking at me like I had grown a third eye. I had just shared Ryan's idea with her…and needless to say, she was less than thrilled.

"Okay, just so I understand correctly…you and Ryan are thinking of teaming up and writing a musical based on your high school experience?"

I could tell she was going to be a hard sell.

"Yes," I said.

"And what are you going to call it….High School Musical?"

My roommate was a possible genius.

"Ryan and I hadn't even really thought about titles yet." I said excitement building in my voice, "But you know Riss, that one's not bad."

Marissa's eyes looked ready to bulge out of her head.

"I was kidding, that was a joke. You can't name it High School Musical, that's way too trite."

But inspiration had already hit.

"Congratulations Marissa, you have just named our musical. I will make sure the credit is all yours."

Marissa stopped and looked at me for a second.

"You truly believe you and Ryan can do this don't you Kels?"

The truth was written all over my face, "More than anything Riss."

Marissa moved across the room to hug me.

"Well, you know I will support and help you guys in every way possible."

A huge smile fell upon my lips, "You already have Riss, you hooked us up with the title."

Marissa started laughing.

"You are really going to go with High School Musical?"

I nodded in agreement; I could already imagine Ryan laughing when he heard it.

"Well, you know, now that I think about it…I don't think it's as trite as I first thought. In fact, someone super smart must have come up with that title."

I grabbed Marissa's arm and started to pull her out the door.

"C'mon, let's go find Ryan…you have to let him in on your brilliant title."

Throughout the remainder of sophomore year Ryan and I worked during our spare time on the musical. I was nervous to share the idea with the other Wildcats, especially Sharpay. (We may have dramatized her character a little bit…but hey, it worked.) Whereas, I was surprised at how enthusiastic everyone was with the idea…Ryan expected their excitement. As we worked together on our pet project I came to realize that Ryan not only believed whole heartedly in the musical, but in me too.

_I really felt it was important to dedicate a chapter to Kelsi's music, since that is such an imperative part of her character. It also allowed Kelsi and Ryan to clear up some unresolved high school issues. _


	10. Author's Note please read

_Author's note…again_

_Hey you guys…I need your feedback on an idea I have for my next story. I wasn't planning on writing a sequel to "Butterflies", but I have kind of fallen in love with my Marissa character and I feel she deserves a happy ending of her own. Now, she is not a HSM character…BUT there would be lots of Ryan and Kelsi in her story. I would start her story further in the future, when the trio is in their late 20's. Some of you have commented on her favorably…which I thank you for. I really love her friendship with Kelsi…the idea of two polar opposites being best friends really intrigues me. I would love to expand on their friendship in particular. (And possibly her relationship as "aunt" to Ryan and Kelsi's kids…how can you say no to that.)_

_So now that I have stated my case and buttered you all up, here comes the question…._

_Would this be a story any of you would be interested in reading?_

_Thanks you guys…and because you all are fabulous, I will give you a little teaser regarding butterflies….I just wrote the scene where Ryan and Kelsi FINALLY get together, and I think you will all be more than satisfied. (It is about 3 to 4 chapters away.)_


	11. Juilliard Year 3 part 1

_Here comes junior year at Juilliard! Thank you so much for reading…I really appreciate it. Love, Jen_

Juilliard Year-3 (Part 1)

The summer before my junior year at Juilliard was crazy. All of my friends back home were thrilled about the musical. Chad even stated that any actor who portrayed him had to have the same hair cut. (I wasn't sure how easy it would be to find someone else who had hair exactly like Chad's, his was…rare.) While Ryan was in Paris with his family, we exchanged numerous e-mails. Some concerning ideas for the musical, but most were filled with accounts of our everyday activities. We were so used to sharing our thoughts in person on a day-to-day basis. Being away from one another became more difficult with each passing month of summer. By the time August rolled around, I was more than ready to be back at school. I missed the daily life I shared with Ryan…and Marissa too.

Once I was back at Juilliard it was easy to get back in the swing of things. Marissa and I celebrated our status as upperclassmen by getting an apartment together close to the Juilliard campus. Ryan's parents were ecstatic when he decided to move out of the dorms and into an apartment. They tried to set him up in a high end condo, but he decided to reside closer to our little vintage walk-up. The musical was a huge focus in Ryan's and my life…but not the most important one. Our weeks were filled with daily potlucks, movie nights and jam sessions. The jam sessions were my favorite. Ryan would come over with his guitar and pizza, while we provided the vocals, piano and beverages. One night we made up the most random song about a platypus. (Don't look at me…apparently they are Marissa's favorite animal.)

Before I knew it we were halfway through the school year. It was mid-February and New York was covered in a fluffy white blanket of snow. It had taken me a while, but I was finally somewhat adjusted to New York winters. Now, don't get me wrong, I loved the snow…I just preferred viewing it from inside my apartment. Ryan and I had spent hours working on the musical, and we had hit a roadblock.

Ryan vacated his seat next to me on the piano bench to pace my tiny apartment.

"I just don't see why it is necessary to stage a musical number in the cafeteria." Ryan stated.

I took off my glasses and rubbed my eyes, stifling a groan in the process.

"Ryan, I understand your hesitancy with staging a dance number in the same place where kids eat lunch, but I don't think we have a choice."

Ryan wasn't ready to give up.

"What about the gym?" He said.

I shook my head and rolled my shoulders. Ryan automatically moved behind me and started massaging my soar limbs. And that was when all thoughts left my body…I honestly couldn't tell you what we were talking about 2 seconds before his warm hands touched my shoulders. I let out a sigh, leaned back and let Ryan support me. And then his hands stopped. Before I could utter any word at all Ryan was grabbing his coat. I looked up in confusion. I took in his heightened color and abrupt movements…Ryan was never abrupt.

"Ry, what just happened? Why are you leaving?"

Whoa…wait a second, did I just confront an issue…I think I'm growing. (Not in stature, just emotional maturity.)

Ryan gazed at me; his blue eyes held alarm and something else…something more.

"Kels, I don't really understand what's going on here. I have these feelings…I can't quite decipher what exactly they are or what they mean. Could you just…be patient with me?"

I could feel my eyes start to water, but in a good way. My butterflies were up and running internally, but externally I kept my body completely still.

"You have feelings…" I pictured Marissa yelling at me to finish my sentence. "For me…you have feelings for me?"

Ryan walked the short distance of the room and caressed my cheek.

"Oh Kels, so many feelings. I just need to get them straightened out before we discuss…us."

I think the butterflies had vacated my body and were flying around the room.

"Us?" I whispered.

I felt Ryan's hand move from my cheek up to my hair. His fingers seemed to be memorizing the texture.

"Ryan?"

Ryan's piercing gaze met my watery one. I prayed for the courage to continue on.

"You are my very best friend, the person who knows me best. I will always be your friend first. Whenever you are ready to talk about more, you don't even have to ask…just know, know I'll be here."

I saw a tear slide unnoticed down Ryan's cheek.

"Kels, you are the most extraordinary woman I could ever know."

I smiled a hopeful smile as I watched Ryan pull his coat on and spare one more meaningful glance in my direction before walking out the door.

When Marissa came home I was still sitting on the piano bench, with the same hopeful smile touching my lips.

_I hope that served as an okay appetizer before we hit our main course of Ryelsi goodness._


	12. Juilliard Year 3 Part 2

_Hey everyone…thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate each and every one…they are so encouraging. In honor of the girls' day I have planned for this lovely Chicago Sunday, (I live in Chicago) I think I will provide Kelsi with one also. Besides after the bomb Ryan dropped on her in the last chapter…I think she needs some girl therapy. _

Juilliard Year 3 (Part 2)

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, as I sat up in my tiny twin bed. (Marissa and I may have been living in an apartment, but seriously…I think our bedrooms were the size of a closet.) As I let out a huge yawn, yesterday's discussion with Ryan came rushing back. He had confessed his feelings for me. I was in such shock after his departure; I don't think I was able to truly wrap my mind around everything that happened. But now, in the light of day, with a full night of sleep…comprehension was dawning.

I waited for my usual panic to set in…and waited…and waited…and…nothing. Wait, what? No panic. I, Kelsi Nielson the queen of blushes, increased heart rate and butterflies was…calm. Wow, I like calm…no, scratch that…I LOVE calm.

I took off running out of my bedroom, my bare feet pounding on the old hardwood floors of my apartment…

"MARISSA!" I yelled. (Now looking back on this, I realize yelling to wake up Riss at oh…7 in the morning, not the way to get on her good side.)

I ran into Marissa's closet-sized room and jumped on her bed…and incidentally on top of her.

"Marissa…wake up. I have had an epiphany and you need to wake up…right now!"

Marissa's long golden arms peaked out from under her down comforter to remove the pillow from her head. As she sat up in bed all I saw was a bunch of blonde hair.

"Marissa…are you in there?" I said, as I started pealing hair away from her face.

In one swoop her fingers removed the hair from her face and revealed very tired …and very unhappy brown eyes…uh oh.

"Kelsi, is there a fire?" Marissa's raspy voice got out.

I shook my head "no". My blue eyes widened as Marissa continued.

"Are we being attacked by aliens?" (Marissa had this odd fear regarding aliens.)

Once again, I shook my head.

"No to both of those huh…well then the only other reason that you would be waking me up at this ungodly hour would be if the man of my dreams is at the front door."

I tried to stifle my smile as I looked at my disgruntled roommate.

"Well what if your roommate needs a girl's day because she just realized the man she loves has "feelings" for her. And while she is happy about this, there is some fear also. Oh…oh...oh…and big news on your roommate and best friend's usual panic attacks….she hasn't had one."

Marissa's brown eyes held the sparkle of laughter.

"Well…that is big news." She said, "I would even go so far as to say that definitely tops the possibility of an alien invasion."

I threw myself into Marissa's arms and hugged her briefly before pulling her to her feet. (And seeing as she is over 6 feet tall and I am struggling at just over 5 feet…pulling her out of bed wasn't easy.)

"Alright dear, you go see when "Golden Girls" is on Lifetime and I will start the tea." Stated Marissa.

I gave Riss my most irrisistable smile.

"Could you maybe make one of your famous omelets too?" I asked sweetly.

Marissa returned my sugary smile.

"I may be inclined to provide you with an omelet…if you promise to play me my platypus song later?"

I busted up laughing.

"Deal." I managed to say over my laughter.

I pretty much floated on cloud nine for the rest of junior year and into the summer before my senior year at Juilliard. Ryan and I had yet to truly discuss his feelings and our relationship, but just knowing that he had been feeling the same things that I already felt was enough. I mean, by this point "patience" was pretty much my middle name. And while my patience remained resilient…the people closest to me (not including Ryan) started to lose their patience concerning my situation. You see…I was stuck in limbo. While I wasn't in an official relationship with Ryan, I didn't feel single either. As I look back on my last year at Juilliard, I realize I had no way of comprehending the amount of heartache… and happiness I was about to experience.

_Oh no…cliffhanger. So, this is a short chapter…but it was necessary to preface the drama that is coming up for senior year. (Only 3 chapters left…man, it's hard to believe I just started writing this fic 3 days ago.)_


	13. Juilliard Year 4 Part 1

_Alright folks...it is on to senior year. I feel refreshed and ready to write a rewarding chapter. (That's what a pedicure and day with the girls can do for you.) Enjoy and get ready for drama...and hopefully some laughs too! _

Juilliard Year 4 (Part 1)

I struggled up the stairs of my apartment building backwards, while my arms threatened to slip from the mint green dresser I carried up two flights. I could see the top of Marissa's blond head peeping over the extremely heavy piece of furniture she convinced me into helping her carry.

"Yeah...Kels Bells..you can do it...only one more flight to go."

Of course Marissa did not sound winded at all...I mean this was the yoga-wonder girl who would manage to look graceful while tripping over her own feet.

"Dresser...not...worth...d-dieing over." I managed to breath out.

I heard Marissa's lyrical laughter...oh, yes that was just the sound I wanted to hear while I was sweating my body weight and carrying a dresser I was willing to bet was heavier than me. (Sarcasm alert!)

"Almost there Kels...have I mentioned that I love you?"

I grimaced as I felt yet another step behind me.

"I...must...love...you...too...cause...this...dresser...is...frickin heavy." I whispered.

Praise the Lord, my foot met flat ground. Marissa and I gently set the dresser down on the floor for a moment. I looked over at Marissa, not a hair was out of place and there was not one ounce of sweat on her white tank top. Me on the other hand...I looked like I had just gotten out of the shower. (A smelly shower.)

"Riss...please tell me, because I don't understand why this green dresser was such a mandatory purchase?"

Marissa smiled her most winning smile.

"Simple, I needed a dresser and I like the color green. It's so pretty, like an...easter egg."

Okay, I shouldn't have asked. I mean what was I expecting her to say..."this dresser might someday save my life?" We continued to SLIDE (thank God) the dresser into Marissa's bedroom. As Marissa fawned and I fumed over the new piece of furniture, there was a knock on the door. I looked over at Riss to see if she was going to feel inclined to answer, but she was gazing lovingly at her giant easter egg dresser. I rubbed my sweaty palms on my shorts and went to answer the door. And of course who was there but the last person I wanted to have see me sweaty and smelly.

"Hey Kels...um...did you just get out of the shower." Ryan asked, looking confused.

Please may this be a bad dream and I will wake up soon. I closed my eyes willing either Ryan to come back in an hour or my clothes and body to be magically clean. I opened my blue eyes...nope, didn't work, Ryan still stood confused in my doorway...and I still smelled.

I smiled an embarrassed smile at Ryan.

"I just helped Riss move the giant easter egg into the apartment." I said as way of explanation.

Ryan looked even more lost.

"Giant easter egg?"

Marissa walked over to the doorway.

"Hey Riss, why don't you show Ryan your new easter egg dresser while I hop in the shower. I will be ready to work on the musical in a few."

With my parting remarks, I sprinted to the sanctuary of my bathroom. I took the fastest shower of my life and then wrapped my favorite purple towel around my clean body and threw on my shower-fogged glasses. As I walked out of the bathroom I overheard Ryan say my name. (Now before I tell you this next part, I challenge any of you not to eavesdrop a little when you hear the man you love say your name.) I tiptoed barefoot across the hallway towards Marissa's room, attempting to step over the squeaky floorboards. I stood with my back to the wall outside of Marissa's doorway, water unceremoniously dripping from my long curling hair.

"Exactly how long is it going to take you to figure out your feelings Ryan, it's been over six months...oooo...you had better not be leading her on. I mean I think you are great and all, but if you are leading her on-"

Ryan cut off Marissa's super-speed ramble. And I held my breath as those all too familiar butterflies started moving about wildly.

"Riss, I promise I am not leading her on. It's just...complicated, okay?"

My heart sunk. Heat rushed to my face as I strained to hear Marissa's next super-speed ramble.

"Complicated! Complicated? God, I am so sick of hearing the word complicated, that was all Kelsi said all summer long. What is so complicated about this...I'll tell you what...NOTHING! There is nothing complicated about Kelsi being in love with you and you loving her right back!"

Wait...wait...wait...please tell me Marissa did not just tell Ryan that I loved him...Oh, God...Oh, God...what was he saying, how was he responding.

Silence, and then Ryan's hushed voice.

"Kelsi loves me?"

Thanks bunches Marissa...I am so never singing the platypus song for her again and I am selling the easter egg dresser on craigslist. And then I heard Marissa.

"Of course she loves you...but you already know that. Just like you already know that you love her too. God, if you could just watch the two of you...see yourselves the way I see you together. You are always finding excuses to touch one another, to be together at least twice every day. Heck, you are practically our third roommate. And how many girls have you dated in your going on four years of college? I'll tell you...NONE! And has Kelsi dated...NO! And you know why...because you two are denial dating each other. Ooo...that was good, "denial dating. Now why don't you put both Kelsi and yourself out of misery and admit your feelings for her. I'll let you in on a pretty obvious secret...she's not going to reject you."

I stood frozen outside of the doorway. Everything Marissa said was the truth. I had been wearing my heart on my sleeve since...since forever, and Ryan wasn't accepting it. I thought this was enough, but it wasn't. I deserved more and I wanted more. I deserved someone who wasn't afraid to take a chance, someone who wasn't afraid to say they loved me.

I started to walk back to my room in a daze, just as Ryan was walking out of Marissa's room. We stood frozen, staring at one another. His skin had lost most of it's color and his eyes looked like they were ready to burst into tears. It was obvious he was effected by Marissa's speech.

"Kels..." He whispered.

I looked at the man I loved, took a deep breath and for the first time in my life demanded something of him.

"Tell me." I said, sounding stronger than I felt.

He seemed to knew exactly what I was talking about.

"Kelsi...I.."

He looked at me, showing me what I wanted with every part of his body but I needed, no,I deserved the words.

"Tell me you love me Ryan, because.." A sob escaped my chest, "because I love you."

Ryan was openly crying now.

"Kelsi, I-I...can't."

He started to move towards me.

"Get out." I was amazed to hear the words come out of my mouth.

And then he left. Just like that, he just...left. I saw Marissa come out of her room, a worried expression on her face. My best friend caught me in her arms as I collapsed into sobs.

Months passed and I did not see or talk to Ryan. He tried to call, but I couldn't answer the phone. He stopped by, and I would have Marissa make excuses for me. She didn't agree with my tactics, but she supported me. I took different routes to and and from classes and did everything within my power to avoid him. I was basically a robot. My mom, knowing the situation even came up to New York for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so that I wouldn't have to face Ryan back home. Like Marissa, she didn't agree with my tactics, but as she so aptly stated to me one evening on the phone, "A mother loves her child, even when she doesn't agree with her decisions." Gabby and Taylor came to visit, hoping to rejuvenate my spirit. It was nice to see them, but I couldn't just act like everything was okay in my world, because it wasn't. I lived in my robotic state until January.

There wasn't something magical that occurred in January, my heart just healed a little bit. And, well, I guess I was ready to experience life again. I was slowly able to laugh and enjoy myself again.

It was a Sunday in April when I saw Annie again. (Do you remember hearing about Annie, she was Ryan's girlfriend in high school.) Marissa and I had gone to the Red Steps to get tickets to a show on Broadway. We were waiting in line with the hope of seeing _Wicked_. I heard someone call my name, as I looked over I saw a familiar set of friendly eyes and a short cap of ebony hair. Annie...Ryan's Annie was in New York.

"Hi, Annie. Wow, this is a surprise, what are you doing in New York?"

Please don't say you are here for Ryan...Please don't say you are here for Ryan...The litany repeated over and over again in my head.

"Oh, I just transferred to NYU."

My skin had paled considerably and Marissa was wearing a look somewhere between confusion and concern. Marissa came to my rescue.

"Hi, I'm Marissa...Kelsi's roommate. Oh...crap, Kels..I forgot something at home. Do you mind if we skip _Wicked_?"

My grateful eyes met Marissa's understanding ones.

"No...that's fine...um, well, bye Annie."

I tried not to run from the beautiful waving girl as I hastened my goodbye.

Marissa pulled my behind a building as soon as we reached our first intersection.

"Okay Kelsi, spill...who was that and why did all of the color leave your face the moment you saw her?"

I looked at Riss...alarm taking over my expression.

"That was Annie, Ryan's ex-girlfriend."

A look of dawning fell upon Marissa's features. She then gave me a searching gaze.

"And what are you going to do now." She said.

I looked at my best friend, the girl who had become my sister. A slow and confidant smile slid across my features.

"I am going to go and get Ryan."

Marissa laughed and grabbed be in a huge spinning hug.

"That's my girl...I knew it was just a matter of time." Marissa said laughing.

Seeing Annie made me realize that I wasn't ready to give up on Ryan. And I certainly wasn't going to give up without a fight. Marissa went back to our apartment as I headed down the busy streets towards Ryan's apartment. Before I was ready, my feet found themselves outside Ryan's apartment. I took deep breathes and worked on convincing myself that I could do this. Just then, my phone rang. I looked at my caller ID and saw Marissa's smiling face.

"Riss?" I said

Marissa cut right to the chase.

"You are totally standing outside his apartment right now aren't you?" (Scary how well she knows me, right?)

My mouth dropped open, was she spying on me?

"I'm working on it!" I said forcibly.

Marissa's tone matched my own.

"Stop working and start moving...please."

My hand reached for the doorknob. I took a deep breath.

"I'm going in." And at that I hung up the phone.

Before I lost my momentum, I sprinted up the steps and knocked on Ryan's door.

And then I prayed he wasn't home, this was a mistake...oh god, I wasn't ready. And then the door opened, and there he was. He was perfect.

"Kelsi."

There was surprise in his voice. Surprise and something else too, I couldn't place what it was.

"Hi Ryan." God I missed him.

It was like he read my mind.

"I missed you Kels...so much. I have been trying to reach you."

Surprise brightened my features.

"Still? I mean I know you were calling back in...um..well, before."

Ryan reached for me and tentatively enveloped me in a hug. My arms naturally found their way around Ryan's waist.

"I have never stopped trying to reach you Kels...never. I have so much to say to you." Ryan whispered into my hair.

Bliss, this was what bliss felt like. My heart was beating, I felt warm all over and the pleasant flutter of butterflies resided within me.

"I've missed you too Ryan." I said against his chest.

Ryan's hands combed the hair that was tumbling down my back under my hat.

"We need to talk." He said, "can I come over tonight?"

I leaned back in his arms and looked at him, love flowing from my eyes to his.

"Sure, how about you join Riss and I for movie night, we can talk after."

He leaned down and I felt his lips gently graze my cheek.

"I'd like that, can we watch...Sabrina?

I started to laugh.

"Are you going to run out of my room again?" I asked in a teasing voice.

Ryan looked at me with regret, remembering the night so long ago in my dorm room.

"I don't plan on ever running from you again."

He looked at me with eyes full of promise.

"Then I will see you tonight...seven work for you?" I knew I was wearing the dumbest grin.

"Kels, I haven't spoken to you since September, I will see you at five."

I could hardly contain my excitement.

"Five it is...see you then Mr. Evans."

I slowly turned around and walked out of his apartment building. I couldn't help feeling that tonight was going to be the night that changed everything.

_Wow...the writing monster just took over my body. My dinner is sitting on the coffee table cold...from over an hour ago. So, I am off for a late (cold) dinner and bed. Goodnight!_


	14. Juilliard Year 4 Part 2

_Okay guys...so this chapter I have had since yesterday. It was really odd because I was attempting to write an earlier chapter and this is the one that my fingers typed...I have revised it a little to help the flow. But I also loved this chapter so much I wrote some of the previous ones to fit this one. So...here it is. _

I was eagerly awaiting Ryan's arrival at my apartment for movie night. I kept looking towards the clock, he was already 15 minutes late and that wasn't like him at all. I was getting a little worried on account of him not answering his cell phone. I pondered what could have happened as I paced my small living room. Marissa followed me with her eyes, trying not to get annoyed by my constant movement. She finally relented.

"Kelsi, stop pacing right now, it has only been 15 minutes."

I looked at her with an embarrassed smile.

"I know Riss…it's just, this isn't like Ryan. He is usually always 5 minutes early. What if something is wrong?"

Understanding dawned on Marissa's features.

"Maybe you should go and look for him."

I sensed a challenge.

"Maybe I will."

"Maybe you should actually do it instead of sitting here and talking to me about it." Marissa stated matter of factly.

I looked at her shocked. Marissa had a way of always getting right to the point of a matter, whereas, I would analyze a situation to death. But she was right…it wasn't all that productive to just sit around and wait for Ryan.

I focused my gaze on Marissa.

"You know Riss, I am really grateful that you and I are so different. "

Marissa smiled. "That makes two of us Kels Bells. Now please don't take this the wrong way, but get out of here already."

I blew my roommate a kiss as I sailed out the door.

It only took me about 5 minutes to arrive at Ryan's apartment. I was about to enter the "security gate" (there was no lock on it.) when I looked up and noticed two figures outlined through the light of his window. And that is when panic took over. There was a girl in his apartment, and not just any girl, it was Annie. He was late to movie night, wasn't picking up his cell and there was a girl in his room. My heart started beating at a rapid rate, the butterflies that had always filled my stomach didn't feel all that great and my breath was coming out in short bursts. The way I saw it there were two options. A. Go up there and see what was going on. Or B, run.

Unfortunately, I couldn't make my body do either. Instead I just stood there, outside his apartment, with my feet cemented to the pavement. And that's when he saw me. His face filled the window as the setting sun brightened his hair. And still I stood, tears falling unnoticed to the ground. My eyes were so glassy I didn't even notice when his body tore away from the window. And then I heard him. Somehow through the sobs that kept threatening to topple my body over I heard him scream my name. And that's when I ran…

My hat and glasses fell to the ground at some point, but I didn't stop...I couldn't stop. All my body could do was run. (And cry.) I ran as fast as I could. My chest burned from the exertion of running while sobbing uncontrollably. I heard someone chasing me and I knew it was Ryan. But I couldn't see him, or more to the point, I couldn't let him see me. I was broken…I was what broken looked like and I couldn't let him see me like that. I had given him everything else…I couldn't give him that too. So I just kept running…that is until I fell. (You didn't actually think I was going to be able to gracefully run through New York, with no glasses on, without tripping over something did you?)

I sat on the ground hoping by some miracle that Ryan would run right past me. But that didn't happen.

"Kelsi..." He sounded out of breath.

I fought to control my sobs.

"Please Ryan…please…just go away," I whispered.

Ryan knelt down and started to reach for me.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed, "Don't you dare touch me."

If I would have had my glasses I would have noticed he was crying too.

"Kelsi…listen to me, nothing happened."

"I saw you," I sobbed, "in the window, you didn't answer your phone, you were late…"

And then I felt Ryan push strands of hair away from my face, his fingers gently wiped away my tears and I felt his breath on my face.

"Kelsi, look at me."

"I can't, I lost my glasses," I uttered as more tears freely fell.

I felt Ryan's fingers sweep the new tears away from my cheeks.

"Then I guess I will have to show you."

Then I felt the softest, most tentative touch of lips grazing my own. I tasted tears, not only mine, but his too. Our lips melded together as if they were one. Both of us crying, but not daring to break the kiss. His arms tightened around me and mine held onto him for dear life.

"I love you." I said.

And then I heard the most magical, beautiful words imaginable.

"I love you too Kelsi, it was always you…always."

_So, I hope that lived up to your expectations…but there is still one more chapter. The one that ties it all together. I have been trying to write this story and post as fast as I can...my kids have spring break this week, so I am going to be busy during the day. (With school at night.) If the last chapter is not up before, it should definitely be up by Thursday. Thanks for all of your reviews, story alerts and story/author favorites, they mean the world to me. I have never written a creative story like this...the most I have done are papers for school...and this was quite different. The community you all have here is so special...a place where you can share yourself creatively and get positive (and constructive) feedback. Thank you for making my introduction so welcoming. Love, Jen :-)_


	15. Epilogue

_Alright everyone...here it is the final chapter of Butterflies. Thank you for reading. This chapter is going to be third person...you'll see why._

Kelsi closed her laptop and stretched her arms as high as they could reach. She had just completed a part of her life story...or a part of their life story. She was not sure what possessed her to write about high school and college...all she knew was that she started early in the evening and wasn't able to stop until it was done. It had been quite an emotional ride...one she actually had not been expecting. Those years were pretty much the pinnacle of drama in her and Ryan's relationship. After that first kiss everything was smooth sailing. But it was refreshing to relive it in a way. To see how much both of them had grown and how much both of them were willing to fight for one another.

After setting her laptop down Kelsi wandered over to the pictures covering the walls in the living room. She smiled a gentle smile as she viewed her and Ryan's wedding day. All of their friends were in the background smiling into the camera, except for her and Ryan...no, they were gazing lovingly at each other. It was like they had been oblivious to the camera the whole night. Her eyes also took in the picture of her and Ryan smiling brightly, wrapped in one another's arms at the premiere of High School Musical. Their creation ended up becoming bigger than either of them ever imagined. Finally, Kelsi's gaze traveled to a picture frame where a miniature version of her self, with the exception of shining blond hair grinned back at her. Just looking at the picture made Kelsi's body move away from the wall and towards a bedroom with a dim light shining into the hallway.

Kelsi felt her heart fill as she took in the sleeping child seeming so small in her twin bed...her and Ryan's child. Her daughter's daffodil yellow room was filled with hand made framed drawings and a growth chart. Pictures adorned the walls and dressers, reminding the child on a daily basis of how much she is loved. Above her bed, hand-painted wooden letters spell out the name "Sabrina." Kelsi tiptoes over to her daughter's bed, bending down so she can be eye-level with her little love. She gently takes Sabrina's hat off and places it on her night stand next to her tiny pink- framed glasses. (A gift from her Aunt Sharpay.) As light as a butterfly, Kelsi lets her hands move through her daughter's light blond curls, humming softly the whole while. Not even noticing the figure that has filled the doorway.

Ryan took in the scene before him, ignoring the tears that threatened to fall. Ryan had seen many beautiful sights in his lifetime, but none would ever compare to the picture his wife and daughter made. The feelings that took over his body were almost overwhelming, but then, he was used to that. They were the same emotions that took over every time he saw his girls. He had thought Kelsi was the only person he would ever feel that deeply for, but the moment the doctor placed Sabrina in his arms he knew there were now two women who owned his heart.

Kelsi felt him there before she even acknowledged him with her eyes. The butterflies always let her know. She carefully stood up and moved towards her husband. Their hands met and they just stood there in the doorway of their daughter's room taking one another in. Verbal communication was not necessary, their mouths and bodies met in a sweet, while passionate kiss.

Softy Ryan whispered to Kelsi...

"Always you."

_The End_

_I have had another idea for a Ryelsi story that I am hoping to start sometime this week. I am going to hold off on the sequel to Butterflies for the moment, but it is something I hope to accomplish soon._

_Thanks everyone!_

_-Jen_


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